screw pause, let's fast forward this piece...

You know that moment in your life when you can’t look to the future because you have no idea how you can get there, and you can’t look at your past, because you are trying to move past it?  I call that life on pause.  You cannot make any gains and you are spinning your wheels just trying to make the most out of what you can at the time.  My life was on pause for two-ish years.  Just kind of cruising through.  Last year, when I moved here to Bahrain I wrote that my life was not on pause anymore-I could see how I could move forward and I was excited.  As of February 17^th I thought I was moving forward…with my career.  I could see my whole professional future and it was fine.  When I accepted the new job I was on the fence.  I told Ezza that I got the job in the elevator and she said “Congratulations, I guess?”  I said "yeah..." and we hugged. 

 Right before that, on Saturday, February 2^nd we went to Ladies Night at JJ’s.  It was the beginning of Winter Break and we were just out.  I kept making eyes (meaning flirting over my drink) with a guy wearing an OSU shirt.  Me, being a faithful Minnesota/Wisconsin fan knew that I hated OSU, just on general Big 10 principles.  Me, also being a huge smart ass, decide the best way to flirt with this guy is to talk shit about his favorite team.  I told him he was brave to wear such a horrible team’s shirt, even if no one in this country knew what it was.  He said something about football, I said something about basketball, and I went back to Ezza (and the two guys we were talking to at the time).  A couple of minute’s later OSU boy comes over with a pen and napkin and asks for my number (ballsy, considering I was sitting with two guys-just friends by the way-but still, ballsy).  I told him I would be watching the Superbowl at a restaurant the next night, maybe we could meet up there. 

Well the Superbowl started and I had not heard from my OSU boy.  I figured he realized that I was a smart ass and in a sober state, came to the conclusion not to call me.  Not the case though!  He texted me (so he did have a phone…did not need the napkin in these new fangled technology times) during the game, but did not know that the restaurant locked their doors at 2.  So we made plans to meet for lunch the next day (the 4^th)-I told him to wear an OSU shirt so I could recognize him. 

On the 4^th we met and he was cuter than I remembered (always a plus!) and the conversation was great-I think we stayed for 2 hours.  He left that day for Australia for 2 weeks, but said he would call when he came back into town.  A simple “I’m just not that into you” would have sufficed, but Australia is a cool lie. He actually was going though and we became Facebook friends. 

While OSU was gone, I got the new job and continued to have fun in Bahrain.  He messaged me a couple of times while he was gone and called as soon as he landed on the 22^nd.  We spent  the whole weekend together.  He left again and came back, but on March 9^th I realized that he was too good for me.  I’ve heard that line before...shows, movies, but never understood what it meant...until then.  He is honestly, a true gentleman.  Nice, sincere, honest, brave, I could go on…but I felt like I would let him down.  I’m nice, most of the time.  I’m sincere and honest, when I feel I can be.  I’m not that brave…it just felt...like I wasn't good enough.  Best way I can describe it.  We parted ways-and decided to talk when we could (he says we were never gonna talk again...)  March 15^th he changed his mind...he emailed me. We chatted and decided to get coffee the next day.  I thought about him a lot over the week, but knew I shouldn’t contact him, so when he contacted me, even when I told him everything, I knew it was good.  So I got all fancy for our coffee date-hoping to make a good impression.  I think I did alright.  We have been inseparable ever since. 

I kept saying we were going at warp speed.  Asking if he was ok, are we moving too fast?  He said no, and I believed him.  March 28  we went out with his friends.  It was a fun night, and it was the night I knew I loved him.  It is too much information, but I knew we did because we got in a fight.  It was a misunderstanding at the bar when we had been drinking (REALLY?  Who would have thought alcohol and loud music could cause people to not hear others!)  We left angry at each other, but when we got to a quiet place, we didn't scream, we didn't ignore each other, we looked into each other’s eyes and talked it out.  We explained how we felt.  I’m not saying we both weren’t still mad and/or drunk, but we left holding hands.  The next day we made sure we were ok, we were, and I loved that we were able to talk about how we felt and forgive.  On March 29 I was telling him how good I felt about us and his response was “Are you saying you love me?”  So I don’t know who said it first, but there it was, out in the open and the speed was going faster than ever.

We talked about how the next school year would be horrible but we could do it…10 months apart wasn’t anything. 

 However, the closer we got to his leaving date, the worse it was feeling.  I was struggling to think about 2 months, let alone 10.  I was mad because my life would be on pause again, we were going to be half way around the world from each other, able to see each other every couple of months, maybe, and my life would be at a weird standstill.  I could tell it was eating him alive too.

We talked and on April 9^th decided that I was moving home.  I was scared as hell to tell my parents and school, but there was very little debate.  I played devil’s advocate a couple of times, but still couldn’t think about 10 months. 

On April 26^th, at the same bar we met at, in an OSU shirt, with all of our friends around, he asked me to marry him.  I said yes enthusiastically, we hugged, and kissed and everyone cheered.  Ezza and I went to the bathroom to look at the ring and talk.  She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and I started crying.  She said “Congratulations!”  I said "yes!"  And we hugged so tight and I couldn’t stop smiling. 


Life Unpaused.