06 July 2012

Let's recap June and move on....

Dear life,
Why are you continuing to happen here, when I leave in1-2 months and need you to slow the hell down? 

Summer is freakin’ flying by and I cannot even begin to discuss how much has happened in the month of June.  I started and finished my Master’s Portfolio (most likely why I will have to restart and finish it in July, but whatever).  I created a camp class, put on the camp and recapped the camp with the amazing help of my favorite cohort member Liz.  I realized that I love middle schoolers…but not for long periods of time.  I realized that elementary school kids make me want to go “Squeeee”, as in “You’re so cute, get away from me!”  I realized that I miss teaching.

Dear current and future employers,
I am feeling completely jaded by the current state of education and think I need a change.  Will you be completely heart-broken if I leave?  Can you offer me my dream job?

I managed a ton at Da Vinci’s Table with the help of Will and the rest of my favorites there.  We went out for two weekends in a row to celebrate Stephanie’s birthday and her leaving.  I blended DVT family with teaching family at a pool party saying goodbye to Bob and Ramsey before they set sail for Arizona.  It was the first time I had seen Leigh Ann in forever.  I realized I missed all of my friends, even the ones I just saw five minutes ago.

Dear friends and family,
I love you and know that you will support me through whatever I do.  Will you still be here when I get back?  Will you be completely heartbroken and forget about me before I even leave?

I put my heart out there, and then pulled it in real quick before it could get taken, or stepped on.  I laid out my feelings, in my own incoherent words and then blamed myself for being stupid.  I played games because they were easier than anything else, until it hurts.  

Dear future love interest,
I believe in love and want to have the best relationship ever.  How do we move forward?  Where do we go from here?

I fell in love with Bakerloo all over again and cannot imagine saying goodbye to her, let alone the humans I actually love who will know I’m leaving.

The ultimate conclusion of June?  Leaving the known is easier than leaving the unknown.  Leaving securities and sureties is easier than leaving questions and confusions.  Constants will still be somewhat constant when I return.  Sure things will change, but all in all, the people I know and love and the places I value will still be around.  The questions, concerns and knots in my stomachs are what I’m scared about…

I know that I will miss my friends, family and opportunities here.  That is a given.  However it is the unknowns that I will miss that scare me.  I know I will have different opportunities abroad, but are they what I want or need?  Are the opportunities here what I want or need? 


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