Kickin' it old school

The title has nothing to do with the blog post really.  It was a quote today at lunch.  Is it really so bad to be old school?  We know that I am pro technology and moving forward, but honestly, when did good old fashioned moves, ideas or thoughts become passe'.  It's nice to kick it old school.  

Life is pretty old school right now.  School, home, play.  I’m driving now.  I love it.  It really makes it feel like I live here.  We’ve been off of school for a while now.  Exams were last week so days were short and we have this week off between the semesters.  I have gotten a lot accomplished.  Ladies night at 338, Ladies night at JJ’s, Ladies night at Dublins, Ladies night at JJ’s again.  I watched the superbowl, talked sports and had great meal conversations.  I have a lot to do before we go back to school.  Stuff which should include less Ladies nights and more prepping, grading and cleaning.  However recent events and deep conversations with my girls have me thinking…When did lying and tricking become the new school, and why is it ok?  

Have you ever lied to someone?  Duh.  We all have.  Over little things, big things, if anyone says they haven’t they are…well…lying.  The only person who doesn’t lie is my friend Ezza.  Not for not wanting to lie…she tries.  Her face gives her away every time though.  Unless she is lying about living with Somali Pirates.  Because that is believable. 

I lie to my students on a daily basis.  “Miss did you grade my test?” “Yes, of course, but I left it at home.” “Miss do you like our class?” “Yes, of course, you are the apple of my eye.” “Miss, do you smell like alcohol?” “No, of course not, this is what happiness smells like.”  I had a student call me out for not returning something I said I graded…I told her teachers lie.  Her face was priceless. 

Well so anyways…with all of this lying going on in the world, who can you trust?  Why should you trust? Where does it get you?  When is a white lie ok? Ever? When should you spare all the details of the truth?

I used to think I was a really personable person.  However when you lift up your entire life, leave your family and friends behind and have to start over fresh, you learn a lot about yourself.  I am a lot more private than I ever thought I would be.  I’ve discovered I’m an open book…as long as somebody turns the pages.  I don’t volunteer a lot about my life, however when asked, or I feel right, I’ll share anything and everything.  I do not intend to hide anything, I just am not a conversation starter (unless I’m insulting your choice of sports allegiance.)  However I am really good at asking questions…or so I thought.

So I get 4ish tv channels here.  One of them is MTV.  I watch a lot of it.  I have seen every episode of Plain Jane…twice.  I hate the show.  It is girls with low self esteem getting babied to feel better about themselves so they can hit on guys.  Seriously, is that all we need confidence for? Talking to guys? Don’t we need confidence for job interviews, talking our way out of tickets and making new friends?  My other thing is what are these guys doing to these girls to give them such low self esteem.  The girls aren’t bad looking, nor are they 10’s, but who is?  Oh me? Ok, I know (right, maybe I should share some of my confidence with them.) 

So anyways, these girls are taught how to lie to these boys.  They have to do “practice” rounds where they say they are buying a dog (when they are not), going on a trip (when they are staying home) or looking to date (when they already have someone in mind.)  They are then taught the questions NOT to ask.  So that as much truth can be evaded on a first date.  Remember the rule “Don’t talk about sex, politics, or religion on a date?”  It has expanded.  Don’t ask about past relationships or future plans (but one is freaking hilarious and the other is all I can think about).  Don’t talk about work, that’s not fun (but school is my job, hobby and passion).  Don’t talk about drinking, you don’t want to seem like a lush (well, shit, wine is my second hobby).  Don’t talk about college, you don’t want to seem like a nerd (if you don’t appreciate my nerd, then well, you are normal.)  My questions all revolve around these thoughts and ideas...so apparently I suck at asking questions. 

Well.  That leaves so much to talk about.  Or lie about.  Or evade. 

I had a great convo with Joe (not one of the girls, however, if he would like an honorary girl badge I can arrange that) the other day about risks.  Being open, telling the truth, asking the hard questions, puts you at risk.  If you don’t take risks, you can never achieve your goals. However you have to be prepared to fail. However, in order for this to work, everyone has to take risks.  If only one person is the risk taker, then only one person is getting hurt. 

We should all take a page out of Ez’s book. If we all wore our hearts on our sleeves, or emotions visible and believed in the good of all people the world would be more inviting.  Or flipping crazy.  I love her.  I spent years moving past being a CHB.  Missing my family and friends has made me more emotional than I ever anticipated being.  As Leah mentioned in her post, I want things to be black or white, right or wrong.  It’s not like that.  The risks confuse us.  I know this. I’m 29 years old. However it is still so freaking scary.  But it’s all we have, trust, faith, and risks.  And not lying.  Or evading the hard questions.  They are hard because they are good.  They are good because they are risky.  They are risky because we cannot decide whether to lie or evade or be honest.

Cheers to being honest.  And asking the hard questions.  And knowing what you want.  And doing what you need to do to achieve your goals.  And knowing when the risk is worth the reward. Here's to kicking it old school and using good old fashioned pen and napkin to write things down instead of an iphone.  

Be open, honest, and emotional.  Be like Ezza.

But don’t play “Never, have I ever” with her.  There are some things that should be lied about.        

The blog is called TMI for a reason...

I got in a taxi this weekend to go out (yes by myself, but I was going to meet friends).  Well as I flagged the cab down a guy thought I was waving at him (I wasn’t.)  He got in the cab with me and said “Yes to Dublins!”  I told him I was going to DC’s and he said that it was the same thing (they’re not, however they are relatively close).  I asked how he knew I was going to Juffair and well, that was stupid, you are either going to Adliya or Juffair and I live in Adliya…sooo……..we were off to DC’s, or Dublins, or where ever. 

Well the conversation started immediately and when I said I was from North Carolina he asked if I rooted for UNC or Duke.  Ummmm, what????  Well if I were in the states this would be a normal question, however I am in Bahrain and this guy was English!  Well anyways, he asked me if Michael Jordan was really as awesome as he seemed. So I was astonished (I much prefer this than being asked if I like Obama).  He then asked me what guy I was seeing that would let me out by myself.  (sidenote: guys here are not original.  I hear that I am pretty a lot.  It is a great ego boost, but I would much prefer some originality.  One guy told my friend Ezza that I looked like a model and she told him he would have to try harder because I had already heard that once that night.  I love her J).  Back to cab guy…I told him I was a big girl and I could go out by myself and then went on to tell him about my dating life (or lack there of, or too much of…or whatever).  He said “Bahrain is not where you find love.” Dude had a ring on his finger so I asked if he brought his relationship with him.  He said the ring was his grandfathers…heard that story before.  He then went on to talk about his fiancé who had left him…story?  I don’t know, but he said the moral is…Bahrain is not for love.  He dropped me off at the bar and went on his way. 

So my jaded, non-emotional side said… “duh, no love here.”  But the girly side in my says “screw it!!!”  It can be done.  I know it can.

I laid awake most of last night trying to balance these emotions.  Trying to weigh logic with feelings.  My ultimate conclusion….

Emotions suck.  Why is it so hard to accept for me?  There is nothing I can change, why do I insist on trying to outsmart myself and think it’s wrong to be upset, or happy over love or other feelings?  Either is fine, you just have to handle it…

So, surprise, I’m a girl!  I know this is a huge shock for all the people following along during my CHB time, but I cannot hide the fact that I am a crazy, emotional, head over heels girl.  I do want the sap and the romance and the lovey, dovey, gooey stuff.  My version of it may be very different than other people though.  Mine may be an email, or a paper flower, not a dozen roses or a surprise at my door (both of which freak the heck out of me).  However, while I am falling asleep at my desk after having laid awake thinking about all of this…I am a stupid girl. 

I don’t know how to handle this side of me, haven’t seen it like this in quite a few years…I really need to get my heart in check.  Or maybe a good bitch slap from Joe would take care of this for me.  However he, himself, may have slipped to the dark side too.  I’m feeling a bit like Renee Zelleweger in the cliché movie “Down with Love”. 

So, for those of you that follow along on facebook, sad trombone music be damned.  Just not right now.  For now I’m going to hide in the corner until I can figure out the emotional rollercoaster we call relationships and the dating life. 

But right now…I really wish my girly emotional side would shut up.

I hate being a girl. 

Excuse me I have to go to Sephora and Saks for retail therapy.  Ok I love being a girl J   

Just for you...

It was brought to my attention that my blog has been quiet.  Apparently people really do read it.  I had a dream about a great blog for another site….but I honestly cannot remember what made it so great.  Besides the f word.  I’ve started reading Pintester and, well, she uses F*** Sprinkles as her friends calls it.  Her blog is f’n hilarious.  Ugh, I just can’t sprinkle the f bomb when I know my grandmothers are reading it….ok, so I’m not as witty as Pintester. Noted.  What math teachers do you know have a sense of humor?  That’s right. Just me. So keep reading…

So from the person who mentioned that I should get off my lazy ass and write a blog…I asked for a topic.  Well since he was no help (I still love you, but seriously, I need a better angle) I am just going to ramble about why I haven’t blogged.

My blog had turned into a bit (ok a lot) of a breeding ground for sappy, goopy, yucky emotions.  I blame Leah.  Why?  Because I’m the Mom and I said so.  Leading up to Christmas I was so excited to go home I didn’t want to blog because it would be full of “Eeeeeh!!!!!!” and “OOOOOOOHHHHHHH” and probably more smiley faces than are naturally possible.  So instead of putting myself through the embarrassment and you all through the pain I decided not to blog.

Then Sandy Hook happened and I wanted to blog about that.  I wanted to blog with the remarks I made to my family when I left the states “If you consider me safe in America, than you should consider me safe in Bahrain.” I wanted to talk about the parent conference I had which turned into one of the best conversations about gun control I have ever had (picture it: middle aged Arab man in traditional Thobe, sitting with me as pure bred and preppy American as they come, discussing tragedies, war and what we are really in danger of at home and abroad.)  I wanted to talk about how my students said they didn’t want me to go teach in the states because it is scary!  They were concerned for my safety….but then I was back to my original statement that I said to family before I left and well….that blog was neither riveting, nor as sorrowful, yet poignant as I wanted it to be.  I blame Soccer Mom for writing such an amazing piece at the heart of it all that I know I could never (nor would I ever want to) compare.

Then while I was home, I wanted to blog about what I was doing, and well 90% of my readers are probably family….that I was seeing, so that isn’t thrilling for them.  Then my time in North Carolina was such a whirlwind I truly don’t remember everything I did with whom.  I blame Leigh Ann for this.  Why? Because she probably doesn’t remember much of it either and I can.  Just kidding J 

So in my time back in Bahrain I should have blogged, but I have been in a constant sleep state and catching up on Private Practice and beloved alone time.  Really I should just delete the last line because it makes me sound so cool.  Too cool. I understand if you can’t be my friend anymore because of my awesomeness.  I blame my Dad for my coolness, the man who called out my Big Bang Theory quote on Facebook (and even used the acronym tBBT.)  See what I’m working with here? 

So in conclusion I blame all of you in the states who showed me a good time (hehe, get your mind out of the gutter) and made my trip so amazing I don’t have time to blog about any of it. 

Also to those that request I blog more…provide me with suggestions, topics, and emotions….

Or just come to Bahrain…give me something to write about

Tire Fire

Last week we got stuck in traffic because of a tire fire.  It is a usual thing...but do you see the big billowing smoke?

I love Bahrain, Wallah

So my blog is outed.  My students became my Twitter friends (I never use it anymore, so didn't think anything of it).  Well I forgot that my blog was my website listed.  I've only had one student admit to reading it, and he said he wouldn't tell anyone about it, but I may have to go private if it does get out.
When I saw that he had read it I freaked out and immediately read all my past posts.  I mean they aren't the cleanest, or most public, but as I told the student, if I didn't want my life out in the public I shouldn't put it on the I internet.
Now follow my tangent...
At the bar this weekend, I met a guy who said he knew I was an Ahole.  I was a little thrown off guard, insulted (I'm so not) yet flattered (just glad not to be a goody goody), but I decided to just go with it.  Apparently, I give off an attitude?  Well when I go with it I really can be quite an ahole.  Anyways, one of the things this guy was complaining about, about me, was that I liked Bahrain.  First of all, to each his own, but I'm sorry, you are not allowed to judge me and my country, pick one.
He couldn't get over the fact that I thought it was a lot like America.  I go to school, the mall, watch movies, go out to bars, wear what I want, buy what I want, I really do think it is a lot like America.  So while playing my "role" I said he must really miss his girlfriend.  That would be the only reason he couldn't appreciate the awesomeness around him, he was hung up on what he left at home. 
Because that is the only thing Bahrain is missing, my friends and family.  I'm not going home on Friday for food (although I want bacon and home cooking if Joan is asking).  I'm not going home to buy things I miss (although I plan on doing some cheap shopping while I'm there).  I won't go directly to bojangles when I land in NC (although if joe reed wants to split a boberry biscuit i wont turn him down).  I won't rush to see an unedited movie (but i want to see Les Mis).  I will hug the necks of everyone I see though.  I miss people. 
Well anyways, this guy said he didn't have a girlfriend, he just thought Bahrain was a dustbowl of nothing to do. 
Well when you insult girls as an introduction I can only imagine how much positivity you have in your life. 
So lesson: only put info on internet you don't mind people knowing.  Think positively about everyone around you and your surroundings. Hug everyone you love as often as you can.  It is important to make sure everyone knows how much you love them.

I might lose a few political friends for this one...

I recently read "An intolerable status quo in Bahrain" and was extremely upset that the title did not match the story.*

I'm not political, nor do I support or protest the happenings on of Bahrain, however the line...
"no other country has a greater stake in seeing a peaceful transition to democracy there. And that requires the United States to find its voice."

made me question all the other points that Massimino wrote about in her article.  All of the sudden I was not concerned with the care of the medics, but rather why the 5th fleet is being dragged in to the article? 

Do I believe in Democracy?  Yes I do.  I think it is amazing that we vote for our leaders, we all have a say in what state we live in and rules govern us.  Do I think the US needs to change everyone in the world to their ways?  Heck no.  We have so much we need to take care of that we cannot take on all of the world's struggles.

Should the prisoners be treated fairly?  yes.  Should they be prisoners?  Um, probably not.  Massimino's article from the standpoint of a CEO of Human Rights First is valid and belongs...her talking about the US's next political move?  Not needed. 

Sorry for sounding like a horrible person who doesn't want equal rights spread around, it's not that, but I just think that this line does not belong in this article.  If it had been titled "What the US should do to 'help' Bahrain" I would have felt differently. 

Also, one final comment about this...I have never felt threatened, accosted, belittled, in danger, or persecuted (or any other word to mean unsafe) for being an American here.  My school is safer than in America.  I go places with my friends in groups or with Jay** (who is 6'3" and covered in tattoos, seriously, they avoid us) 90% of the time, so I'm never alone.  I avoid confrontational areas because they are of no interest to me.  So when Ms. Massimino says we are "(i)n a region where threats to U.S. interests abound" she should specify the countries, because I know that UAE and Bahrain are very different than other areas of the Gulf.  

*I knew that the article would be about the unfair treatment of the medics.  Every article is about the unfair treatment of the medics.  

**There was one time I felt unsafe, but it was in broad day light when a drunk Scottish*** guy was hitting on me... 

***Drunk and Scottish go hand in hand

"no other country has a greater stake in seeing a peaceful transition to democracy there. And that requires the United States to find its voice."

What are you thankful for?

Well it’s a holiday weekend!  I know I am in Bahrain but we still have this weekend off.  Granted I am working on Thanksgiving day (parent conferences at least, no students) but I still have a 4 day weekend.  Ours is for the Ashoora. This weekend is, as my department chair described it me, a “very sad holiday.”  Where I come from the word “holiday” means a time to celebrate, so having a time of mourning as a holiday seems a little odd to me. 

Also if you feel as if I’ve had a lot of time off lately (6 day weekend at the end of October, three day weekend last weekend, 4 day weekend this weekend) it is because we celebrate all Muslim Holidays, Shi’ite and Sunni.  The Ashoora is a traditional Shi’ite Holiday, Sunni’s may or may not celebrate.  Since we are a Shi’ite majority (with a Sunni Government) I find it interesting that we recognize both holidays.  Not sure which should be chosen if we only recognized one set, but I find it interesting.  I also find it interesting that only one of my students recognized this holiday in class. 

This student who recognizes Ashoora is a Shi’ite.  She told me this very quietly, not sure if this how it is done, or if she was embarrassed.  I ask her a lot of questions, so I hope I am not offending her.  During Eid she did Hajj, which is the trip to Mecca.  She was telling me a story about Ashoora, how the whole family was killed to prove faith in God, and she said “Miss you can google it, it is true.”  This statement to me is wrong on so many levels, not the faith part but the fact that she believes it happened just that way, and to prove it to me she is going to show it to me on the internet.  Off topic…anways…This student, Fatima, has been a great guide into traditional Muslim culture.  Her class is pretty non-traditional, they have long curly hair, and talk about risqué things like crude humor and kissing.  I find it refreshing that she can hold on to her faith while her friends are all testing their boundaries.  I worry about her though, because she is limited to her view point.  Her parents are not allowing her to travel outside of Bahrain for college because they do not want her too far from home.  I always worry when parents restrict students’ capabilities due to fear, Muslim or not. 

The past paragraph may have been the most negative I’ve sounded lately.  I’m trying to be happy.  I’m trying to find the good in all, and to see positives.  My friends who are having boy problems may completely disagree with this fact because I am very blunt with them but all in all, I’m trying to find realistic happiness.  I was explaining to Jay what happens in a parent conference when you have 20-30 in one day.  He asked “how do you stay so happy and positive for each new parent?”  I thought about it and really, it doesn’t feel any different than any other day.  You cannot let one class, or one student impact your behavior or attitude towards another class or student. Each time you switch gears to another student or a new class walks in you have to act like this is the beginning and a clean slate for your day.  I am really great at this, however I blow at remembering this in my personal life.  I blame my Mom for this.  She was the only person I could argue with, and it’s funny how much you miss being able to have a fight with someone and know that they will still love you at the end of it.  I could be as mean to her as all get out, she was still my Mom and had to love me.  Now I was also a teenager when she died so we were at the height of yelling and screaming, but it’s strange to go from having that, to not.  However, once I get comfortable with someone, they start to see the “less impressive” me.  I cannot be on 100% of the time, and the people that surround me, that I know love me, suffer from this, I know. 

So why am I telling all about Farfoora and her spirit?  Why mention the Ashoora Holiday? And parent conferences, my Mom and being “on”?   Because I am thankful.

I am thankful for having time off.  While I stress about if I will finish material with students, or if they will remember anything, I do feel refreshed because we have time off. 

I am thankful that my parents brought me up to be strong and test boundaries.  I was never limited to where I could go or what I could do (physically or mentally).  Even coming to Bahrain at 28, I know that they were scared, and sad to see me go, I also know that they love me enough to let me  take the adventure I need.

I am thankful for my traditional students for teaching me about their religion and culture.  I feel I have grown in my acceptance because some (see Eid post) are explaining why things, are the way they are.

I am thankful for my non-traditional students for pushing their boundaries and for seeing what the world has at their feet, yet still being very respectful of their culture, family and faith, which I feel is lacking in America.  

  

I am thankful for the parents of my students.  My conferences are going very well because the parents are involved and my students are amazing.  I have been told very complimentary things by parents and students.  It is an honor to work them.

I am thankful for Eileen Hartwell who encouraged me to move abroad and calmed my fears that my teaching would be “different.”  My students like my “different” just like she said. 

I am thankful for my Lakewood Montessori family, especially Sheldon, Meg and Katy for our round table discussions that I miss, but what were gave me the confidence to know I could teach, and do professional development and be a great, in all senses of the word, educator.  They did this through their modeling.  I miss the Lakewood family everyday when I do celebrations with my class, when I calmly ask a student why they made a bad life decision, instead of yelling at them, and when I see everyone’s fun updates on facebook and gchat.  Thank you to Susie, Beth, Laine, Lindsay, Josh, Betsy and Liz for keeping me in the Lakewood Loop.

I am thankful for my colleagues that I have met here at Bayan.  They became my instant family.  We have great bus rides, fun walks and quality sofa time.  It is important that we understand, support and believe in each other because we are each other’s family here.  I am so grateful that the people that I am surrounded by are ones that I do understand, support and believe in.

I am thankful for American Thanksgiving in Bahrain tomorrow. Although it is a day late, it will be just as yummy…maybe…I’m in charge of the turkey…in a little itty bitty oven…that only gets to about 150C, even though it says 250C. 

I am thankful that my friends will understand if my turkey sucks. 

I am thankful that KFC delivers 24 hours a day so I can buy chicken if my turkey does suck. 

I am thankful that my friend Joe is back in the states with his family for Thanksgiving, after serving in Afghanistan since April.

I am thankful for the people in my life that are serving, or have served.

I am thankful for my family back home and I am praying for those that have lost some recently.  My cousins Lindsey, Haley and Chip lost their Mom this week after losing their Dad last year.  I’m thankful that Keresa is not in pain anymore, but I’m aching over my cousins’ loss.  My Aunt Kathy also lost her nephew this week, when he died after fighting a fire.  I’m thankful for his heroics, and praying for his young family and their strength to carry on. 

I am thankful for my “daughter” Leah and that we were able to provide support to each other.  I glad she understands my “tough” love. 

I am thankful for my mom, who had me experience good and bad regarding life, so that I can celebrate the good times, and support the bad times.  Without this, I would never have been strong enough to be with Leah, and share so much with her. I am very excited to celebrate all of the good that she is doing too!

I am thankful that I am able to come home at Christmas.  I will spend time with Minnesota family and North Carolina family.  I am so lucky to be able to be afforded the time off, the money and health to travel.

I am thankful for my family who are excited to see me when I am home.  Emily’s reaction of “I can barely read the computer screen through the tears” makes me feel so loved.  Joan can’t wait to have all of her girls home for Christmas, and I can’t wait to see all my girls (Deanna I’m counting you and a glass of wine in this!)

I am thankful for my friends, who I consider my extended family, who are already planning how we can work in millions of hours of catch up time into my short visit.  I have loved the messages from MGC, Bailey, and Ann.

I am thankful that 4 months away is considered too long.

I am thankful for being so blessed. 

And right now, most of all, I am thankful for the catered lunch I am about to enjoy, because it is parent conferences. 

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!